I hate short pants. My legs are longer than those of a baby moose and I have a terrible time getting long pants. When I can find them I buy slacks that are a little too long—the “full break” slacks as the tailors call them. And when I can find them I buy jeans that are way too long and wear them with a couple of inches of denim bunched up on top of my tennis shoes. Folks around me may think they look terrible but I love them that way and I do not care what others think about them. I do not buy new jeans until I can find some that are my actual inseam (36 inches) plus two inches. 

 

You almost certainly do not know why I hate short pants and why I hunt for pants that are too long—but I know. I have not always known but now I know. I have something in my past that makes me hate short pants and motivates me to buy the longest pants I can use. I have something below the waterline of my life—something that you cannot see and that I could not see until I dove under there—that makes me hate short pants and motivates me to buy the longest pants I can use.

 

In many, many cases where we struggle with self-control we have something in our past, something below the waterline, which fully or partially fuels that particular struggle. If we have not investigated that fuel and cannot identify that fuel we are at a severe disadvantage for getting control of that self-control issue. To say it another way, when something is “hidden and burning inside of us that motivates out of control behavior” and when we do not know what that something is we will have a terrible time changing the behavior. We need to have a vision for what could be. We need to depend on the Holy Spirit. We often need to get relational and professional help. But beyond that some issues of self control demand that we figure out the fuel that is smoldering under there.

 

If we can find the fuel and define the fuel and address the fuel we have a good chance to put out the fire, or at least dampen the fire, and get some victory over the area that is out of control. If we know what is motivating an out of control behavior we can deal with those motivators and get some victory by dampening the fuel instead of always flapping a rug at the flames. If we do not deal with the motivators we are usually left with the “boot strap fight to do better.” (You and I both know that raw will power is not the best tool in the self-control fight.)

 

I will be in Chicago when this link goes out to all the CBC homes and so I am going to do something risky. I am going to suggest some of the possible pieces of “fuel beneath the waterline” that motivates over eating. (If my email box fills up with hate mail on Thursday afternoon I will not come home. I will just flee to Canada!)

 

Before I do this let me give a serious disclaimer: I know these are very sensitive issues as I have struggled with my own weight and tried to figure out my own below the waterline issues when it comes to over eating. I am writing this next couple of paragraphs by way of a teaching illustration and I am not a psychiatrist who is suggesting that anything here applies to anyone reading.

 

Sometimes overeating is fueled by interpersonal injury like rejection from a close family member or a spouse. So, below our conscious thinking, we reason, “If I eat a lot I will get very heavy and no one will ever get close to me again and I will never be hurt again.” Sometimes overeating is fueled by having suffered the vile injustice of rape. The “below the waterline” and usually unconscious reasoning says, “If I eat a lot I will get very heavy and no one will ever rape me again.” Sometimes overeating is fueled by a parent who gave us food when we were injured or sad or afraid. We grew up gaining some level of “comfort” from food in times of pain and we have been trained to reach for “comfort food” when we are uncomfortable in some way. Sometimes overeating is fueled by a fear that no one will love me for me so if I get heavy people will reject me for being heavy but not for being me.   Sometimes overeating is fueled by testing the commitment of a spouse or parent or child. In other words, will this person still love me when I am heavy? It is a high stakes emotional and relational experiment.   Sometimes overeating is fueled by boredom—just striving for some sense of life and pleasurable sensations.  

 

(In relation to addictive behaviors the classic times to indulge or act out are when I am: hungry, angry, lonely, tired, anxious, feeling dead in my spirit, bored, or grasping to control my life. If I cannot get my house clean or my home work done or my car to run properly at least I can eat the hidden ice cream or watch the internet pornography and/or buy something new and have full control of those actions—pornographic queens always cooperate and ice cream never fights back.)

 

Massive Disclaimer Again: I am not a psychiatrist and I do not play one on TV and I did not stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night. Do not take anything I have said here as anything but illustrative. I have said all of this above so that I could say this: You may have something below your conscious thinking that is fueling some out of control behavior. You may need to get some help from a trained, Godly, experienced, Bible-believing, Christian counselor to find out what that fuel actually is. (Our pastoral staff can recommend some proven people if you call us.) Do you understand the hidden fuel in your life?

 

Now back to my long pants. When I was a boy I experienced multiple spurts of rapid growth. The adults around me would make jokes about being able to just stand for a few minutes and watch me grow right on the spot. I would start a school year at 5’5” and by Christmas I would be 5’7”.   Because of these rapid growth spurts my pants would continually get too short. I went to school for almost 12 years with pants that were one or two or three inches too short. I hated them. My folks could not afford to buy new pants every time I grew and so I had no choice but to wear them short and wear them until they wore out. (I will confess to “wearing out” a pair or two prematurely.)   I hated going to school with three inches of white socks showing between the bottom of my pants leg and the top of my shoe. 

 

I never remember being teased about them by anyone except my dad. I would come in after baseball practice and Dad would say, “Are you expecting a flood son? Hey everyone Dave has his high-water pants on.” (Please do not hear me saying that I am scarred for life by this. On the scale of world injustices this does not even register. I am not in the least embittered toward my dad—anymore!) I went through almost 12 years of school with embarrassingly short pants and my dad razzed me mercilessly about them and I hate short pants. (If you ever see a good sale on blue jeans that are 36 waist and 38 inseam please give me a call!)

 

Have you got something below the waterline that is fueling an out of control behavior?