Years ago my sister-in-law was trying to lose some weight—which is perhaps the most universal American battle with self control. As part of this battle she had taped, right next to the handle of her refrigerator, a picture of herself when she was on the gymnastics team in high school. She was trim and athletic and very fit. For her it was not a picture of what had been so much as a picture of what she wanted to be in the future. It was a visual reminder of the ideal future. It was her motivator to exercise the needed self-control and get to a better physical place in her life. It was a vision that drew her into the future with energy and hope. (Just to finish the story she won the battle and has continued to win it for more than two decades.)

 

Easily the best motivator for self-control is vision. All other motivators are either less powerful or actually terrible. I will come back to this in a minute.

 

The unhelpful motivators for improving self-control, and not just for weight loss but for all kinds of self-control areas, are legion. Here are a few:

 

Guilt:   “I am guilty and deserve to be punished because I have not controlled myself.” This generally does not motivate us to act differently and clearly brings us to live in bondage rather than in grace.

 

Shame: “I am a bad person because I have not controlled myself.” This approach usually leads to feeling terrible about who we are and to more loss of self-control. It certainly does not positively motivate new behaviors.

 

“Ought to”: “I ought to (or “should” or “should have” or “must” or “need to” or “had better”) be more disciplined.” “Ought to” is generally more harm than help—more bondage than motivation. I am a champion of “ought to” living and it has not made me into a paragon of self-control—or even to be moderately successful in controlling myself.

 

Pressure and nagging from family and friends: “You should stop spending so much of your money and should save more! I am tired of telling you this!” If you have heard this or a similar admonition you know how de-motivational it is and how defensive we get in that situation.

 

Comparing: “I wish I was as self-controlled as him or her.” Or, “I should be as self-controlled as him or her.” For me these kinds of comparisons are generally more depressing than motivating. I usually end up concluding that I am a bad person and that the person I am comparing myself with is a good person with some special gift or discipline built into them which I could never have. There are times when I see someone who is living an exemplary life and I am motivated to say, “I want to live like that.” In these cases their life has become a vision of an ideal future for me. At other times I see someone and feel envious toward them and end up being de-motivated. The difference for me is generally the question of whether I feel envy or admiration for the person. (The reason that I envy some people and admire others is beyond the scope of this article, which being translated means, “It is beyond the scope of my brain.”)

 

I am sure there are other poor motivators though it might be better to label them as “de-motivators.” You know the de-motivators in your own life. And, knowing them, you therefore know that they are best jettisoned for genuine and grace-filled motivators. (Did I just give you an “ought to”?)

 

In my experience the very best motivation for self-control and personal transformation is gaining a vision for what might be—a picture of the ideal future—a view of the new reality that is so much better than the current reality that I am experiencing—a clear and compelling new reality that draws me into the future with energy and a “want to” and “determined to” approach. If I can see the picture of the wonderful reality that might be I am wonderfully motivated to strive for that reality. If I am unaware of that wonderful future, or just cannot picture that future, I am generally stuck in the present reality.

 

How do I do that vision of the ideal future? I am sure that everyone has different ways of capturing the vision but here are some things that may help:

 

 

I do not have a picture of myself in high school gymnastics. (I am sure you are relived to know that. And, I was a tight end, a center, and discus thrower. Guys like us did not look that good in high school—or after high school for that matter!) But I do have some pictures in my mind of an ideal future. I have some pictures of what could be and those pictures draw me into the future with energy and hope. I have some visions of ideal futures that are compelling and motivational to me and give to me far more motivation than my usual “ought to” approach. I have some pictures for myself and my family and for CBC and these pictures are a terrific help to me.