“I DO IT MY SELF!!!” (sic) This is of course the motto of the independent two-year old. This is the bumper sticker on his or her trike. This is the fierce battle cry of a diaper cosseted warrior or warriorette—a child who cannot see what is on top of a kitchen counter declares that he or she can strap himself or herself in a car seat. The “I do it my self” (sic) declaration comes from a flaming heart of self sufficiency which would say, if it had this much ability in the English language, “I can do this alone and I will do this alone and I do not need you and if you try to help me I will knock you into the middle of next week!”

 

The belief behind the statement about doing most everything alone is beyond absurd. Here is a person who has been alive for two years, cannot read, cannot drive, cannot work, cannot find his or her way home from the grocery story, cannot count, cannot distinguish an octagon from a man hole cover and cannot operate a microwave who is declaring a level of personal independence and personal ability that is light years beyond themselves. Laughable is it not? Yes, but they will learn and they will have a two year old some day and they will laugh at the child and at the child they were back then. The fierce independence of the two year old is usually a self-correcting problem.

 

The two year old, a few years later, eventually sees and accepts that he or she does not know all that is needed in this life and cannot do all that is needed for surviving and thriving in life.   Eventually the child must admit that they do not know the way from home to their school and do not know how to get into a car with the keys locked inside and do not know that the pepper spray on Mom’s key ring will land you up with an ambulance ride. Eventually they come to depend on others and depend on them a lot.

 

The declaration of self sufficiency is laughable until it dawns on us that too often we ourselves have the “absurd-I-do-it-myself-two-year-old-independence insanity.” We go from fiercely dependent (at age 0) to fiercely declaring independence (at age 2) to meekly accepting dependence (at age 6) to fiercely declaring independence again—usually when we are somewhere between the ages of 14 and 26. The problem with this second stage of fierce self sufficiency is that we may not grow out of it very readily. Since we can now count and read and operate a microwave and earn money and drive and see what is on top of the kitchen counter we can remain for a long time in the false belief of self sufficiency. We live in the illusion that we can do it our selves — the illusion that we do not need God and that we do not need other people. 

 

Last week I made a very convincing case (in my humble opinion) that we need God the Holy Spirit to enable us to control ourselves. Left to ourselves we will not control ourselves but will submit to the control of wine and greed and anger and envy and fear and anxiety and—fill in the blank. It is in the decision to depend on the Spirit that we gain the resources for self control.   He is described as our “Helper” and He is deeply committed to enabling us to live a life of self control and self sacrifice.

The additional resource that we need for quality living—controlling ourselves well and continually—is the help of others. The New Testament has more than 100 statements of our need for each other in the “one another” statements. The “one another” phrase is connected with 36 different verbs in the New Testament. The summary of all these 36 verbs is that we must “care” for each other. We cannot make it alone. No man is an island and no woman is a rock. (I cannot remember exactly how the song goes.)

 

One of the main things we can provide to each other in the process of caring for each other is help with self control. Others can help us with our self-control in many ways and here are a few: pointing out our lack of self-control in some area and doing it with grace and truth, helping us look below the water-line of our lives to see what is fueling the lack of control, explaining the consequences to us and others of not being in control, giving us resources to assist in self control in various areas, praying for us in specific areas of needed self control, providing accountability and encouragement in our fight for self control, and persevering with us for the long-haul in the long fight for self control. 

 

I had a good friend help me with looking at what is fueling some of my lack of self control. I had a good friend confront me on an area where I was out of control, and did not even consciously know it, and was harming others. I had another friend do the same thing. I had a friend help me with my out of control work spaces. That same friend helped me with my out of control work flow. Another friend helped me to deal with my out of control mouth. The list goes on and on. I have been helped a great deal and I have tried to help some others as well. 

 

We need help from one another to be people of self-control/Spirit control.

 

One simple application: It is simple that is except that it requires personal humility and dependence and risk. (OK, maybe it is not so simple but it is not impossible.) In some area where you need self control simply ask a trusted person for help. Pick out someone that you know is absolutely “for” you and ask them for some help. Tell them specifically what you need and submit yourself to them to receive that.

 

Another, not so simple, application: If you have a friend or family member who is harming themselves or others with a lack of self control go speak to them with grace and truth. Do not be judgmental or condemning or angry or condescending. Be calm and use a conversational tone and say what is true with as much tact and grace as you can muster—while you depend on the Holy Spirit. Demonstrate that you are “for” them and take the risk of them not responding well. When we love people we take that risk for the sake of their freedom—for the sake of helping to empower them to live a self-controlled life.